Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
