Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
