This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
