if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
