I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize