every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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