yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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