Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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