My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
