even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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