my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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