i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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