It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
