***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
