do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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