my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
