Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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