Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize