So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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