her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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