every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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