we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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