blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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