So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
