I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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