It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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