im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
