lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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