I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
