You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
