i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm jealous of your bromance
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
