i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
50% drunk capacity currently
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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