Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
