I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
