if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
