he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
