Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
