OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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