Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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