My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
