Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
