I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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