yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
