Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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