Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ugly people sure do ruin things
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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