If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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