you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
