Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
