life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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