The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
