no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
