your parents love me but you hate me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
