i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
