I wanna passion pit in your ass
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
