wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
