Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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