I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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