R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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