I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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