I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
even my farts smell like vagina
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
