Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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