The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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