I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
